Hard Candy Christmas
by cag45
Summary: This is my take on how I think the first Christmas observed by the McFadden brothers after losing their parents may have been like. I submit this only for fun and in the hopes that fellow readers/fans of the show will be entertained.
1. Chapter 1

At the tender age of eighteen Adam McFadden didn't know how he was going to pull together a good old fashioned family Christmas for his six younger brothers, but he knew he had to figure out a way to do it. It would be their first Christmas without their parents. They were all still heartbroken, a few months had not been sufficient to take away the hurt felt deep in each of their hearts. Adam doubted at this point if any amount of time would make much difference. They all missed their parents more than words could express and he knew nothing would ever change that...for any of them.  
Yet, here he was, a teenager now expected to be a father. He was certainly thankful to have his sixteen year old brother Brian to help him. Brian had taken on his new role with a fearless attitude. Adam was thankful to have a solid rock like Brian to stand shoulder to shoulder with him. The younger boys were all devastated and Brian was a rock for them too. He had told Adam that Christmas was just one more thing for the two of them to pull off and felt certain they could do it.

At twelve, Crane had already told to his big brothers not to worry about presents for him this year, he indicated that he would rather they spend any money they could come up with on the little guys, who still believed in Santa. Guthrie was only two so he would be easy. Ford and Evan were six and seven and still had the belief in Santa Claus, which Adam found miraculous. Reality had hit them all square in the jaw and he thought how crazy it seemed for any of his brothers, no matter what age, to believe in something so magical and good, when fate had dealt such a cruel blow to them all. At any rate, Adam figured he'd better find out what they wanted from Santa and figure out a way to get it for them. They didn't need any more disappointments in their young lives.

Adam was sure Daniel knew the real deal about Santa, he had just turned nine and had been so devastated by their parents deaths that he likely would never believe in any kind of fairy tale ever again. It broke Adam's heart to witness Daniel looking at life with such a cynical view. Before losing their parents, Daniel could have been accused of having the "Pollyanna syndrome". He was so vibrant and full of joy, it seemed to pour off of him. He had always been such a happy and comical kid. Now, he was dark and brooding all the time. Adam would have to think of something special to give the boy for Christmas to brighten up his day, even if only for a brief moment.

"Ok Brian, so how did mom find out each year what we wanted for Christmas from Santa?" Adam asked his younger brother.

"She would get us to write a letter to Santa, or take us to sit on his lap and listen to what we asked for, as I remember." Brian replied halfheartedly as he thumbed through the mail.

"Bills, bills and more bills," Brian stated with a deep sigh.

"Yeah, I'm gettin' used to lookin' at those." Adam replied, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

"How are we supposed to pay these and buy Christmas presents too?" Brian asked, looking up at his big brother, hopeful that Adam had an answer for him.

"I dunno. I guess we could cut firewood and sell it in town for extra cash. Townsfolk always need firewood this time of year and we may not have much of anything else, but we got plenty land and plenty of trees." Adam offered.

"It's gonna take a lot of trees to meet these bills, even before you throw the price of toys into the mix." Brian replied glumly.

"I know, but it's like you were sayin' before, we can do it...we gotta do it." Adam stated matter of factly.

"Well, I guess we can get Crane to help them with letters, then he can tell us what they ask for." Brian suggested.

"Yeah, that'll work with the younger three. I dunno how we're gonna get anything out of Danny, though. He's not comin' around. He actually suggested to me yesterday that we cancel Christmas altogether." Adam said with a sigh.

"Yeah, he said somethin' like that to me and Crane the other day too." Brian replied with his head bent low, staring now at the floor. "I sure thought he'd of come out of it by now." He continued.

"He feels things deep like Mom used to do." Adam said, then continued, "Dad must've said that a thousand times, but I didn't really get it back then. I don't know how to get through to him, Bri." Adam said with a shrug of his shoulders.

"What do the counselors say about it?" Brian asked glumly.

"Give him time...that's all they ever say. I'm sick of hearing it. They don't any more know what to say to him than you or me." Adam complained. "I swear they're just makin' things up as they go along."

"Yeah, well we gotta do something to get him out of it. He's miserable and bringing us all down with him. Poor Crane worries himself sick over that kid." Brian said.

"I know. I'm worried about Crane too...and he's getting a Christmas present, no matter what he says. He's still a kid. I'm tired of him trying to be grown up all the time." Adam said, taking the mail from Brian and thumbing through the bills himself.

"I know. Sometimes I feel like that kid's older than me." Brian replied with a small grin.

"Well, he's not grown. He needs a break. I've been racking my brain and I just can't think of what to do for him. I want to get him a really good gift, but it can't be expensive." Adam said, deep in thought.

"Make Dan'l smile. That's about all I can think of. If we can pull that little guy out of his perpetual bad mood, that would make Crane's Christmas." Brian said.

"That'd make my Christmas if we could do that." Adam sighed.

"Yeah, I know. I feel the same way big brother." Brian replied.

7BF7B*****************************

"What are you gonna ask Santa to bring you, Danny?" Evan asked his older brother as they walked home from their bus stop.

"Nothin' Evan. Ain't nothin' I want that he can bring me this year. Besides, I told all of ya that I don't think we should have Christmas this year." Daniel McFadden replied glumly.

"But Danny! He's comin' anyways. Just 'cause Momma and Daddy ain't here anymore, he's still gonna come! He comes to everybody's house, no matter what!" seven year old Evan stated emphatically. He was sick of Daniel's bad mood. He knew he was hurt about losing their parents, but so were the rest of them. But that didn't mean they shouldn't look forward to Christmas. Adam and Brian had said so.

"Hey Evan. You think we'll go get a tree this weekend?" Ford asked excitedly. Their little brother was panting just trying to keep up with them. He was only a first grader and was still getting used to the long walk from the bus stop.

"I'm sure if we ask Adam, he will take us out to find one. We got plenty of trees!" Evan answered with much enthusiasm.

"Yeah, but he and Brian stay so busy, what with the stock and taking care of Guthrie...and Brian said he had to study hard this weekend for finals. What is finals anyway?" Ford asked, then continued, "I don't think we have them in the first grade."

"You don't." Daniel replied, breaking into his younger brothers' conversation. "They're just big tests that they give in high school. They ask them a bunch of questions about everything they were supposed to have learned all this year, so far." Daniel continued to explain.

"Danny, do you hate Jesus?" Ford asked.

Daniel stopped in his tracks. "No. Why would you ask me somethin' like that? I never said I hate anybody." He replied, his eyes widened in surprise.

"Well, Momma always said Christmas was a time to celebrate Jesus' birthday. I was just thinkin' maybe you don't like Jesus since you don't wanna have Christmas no more." Ford sniffed.

"I got no problem with Jesus, Ford...I just think you're all crazy to feel like celebratin' anything this year." Daniel tried to explain.

"Don't listen to him Ford. He's just a grump." Evan replied.

"Like the Grinch?" Ford asked Evan.

"Yeah, that's it...He's just like the Grinch who stole Christmas. Only he ain't stealing our Christmas!" Evan replied, suddenly grabbing Ford by the arm as they both broke into a run to distance themselves from their moody older brother.

"Call me names if it makes you feel better. I'm too old for your silly Christmas junk anyways!" Daniel called after them, kicking at the dirt beneath his boots. All he meant was that Christmas was gonna suck this year. It would be so sad without Mom and Dad. Daniel figured that even if Adam and Brian had thousands of dollars to spend and even if they stacked presents ten feet tall around the tree this year, Christmas would still be awful. No amount of money or presents could make Christmas fun...ever again. It didn't help any that Daniel still felt guilty for their deaths. Nobody but Crane understands. He hears me when I talk. Why don't the rest of them get it? Daniel pondered, as he let his little brothers leave him behind. He decided to head for the barn to get his chores done for the evening.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey Ford, hey Evan!" little Guthrie yelled enthusiastically, as he stood watching his brothers and playmates walk through the front gate.

"Hey little man!" Evan called to Guthrie from the porch steps. He rushed into the living room and scooped his laughing baby brother up in his arms and spun him around.

"Hey Guthrie!" Ford chimed in, throwing his back pack on the floor just inside the door. He ran over to join in the hugs with Evan and Guthrie. Little Guthrie looked so cute. He had applesauce on his chin and Evan noticed there was some in his hair too.

"There you are buckaroo!" Adam said, smiling as he entered the living room from the kitchen. "Come here, I gotta clean you up. You got food all over you! Boys, come in the kitchen and get a snack. Then I want you on your chores. If you two clean your room afterward, we might have pizza and popcorn tonight." Adam said to Evan and Ford.

"Alright! Christmas movies tonight?" Ford asked, eyes shining.

"Yep, Rudolph comes on and then Frosty. But you only watch if you clean that room and do your chores in the barn...and I mean it this time!" Adam said. He tried not to sound mean, but he had to be the authority figure now. If he went easy on them, they wouldn't respect him...at least that's what all the grown ups around him had explained. Adam was serious about teaching them the morals and values that his parents had taught him. Responsibility was number one on the list.

"Hey, where's Daniel?" Adam asked Evan. He hoped and prayed the answer wouldn't be complicated. He wasn't ready for any more drama this week. It was friday and he had seen quite enough of that for one week.

"Oh the Grinch? He's coming. We ran off and left him." Evan replied, sitting down and peeling a banana which he decided to share with Guthrie.

"Hey, no name calling." Brian corrected him, walking into the kitchen from the mud room. "I just saw him, Adam. He went to the barn to help Crane muck out the stalls."

"Sorry, but he is a Grinch, Adam!" Evan stated, folding his arms, pouting.

"Listen, it's not nice to call your brother names. Everybody has bad moods, but we don't call people names in this family, you understand?" Adam admonished.

"Oh I understand. But Danny's mood doesn't change. He's a butt head all the time now." Evan continued to pout.

"What did I just say about name calling? If you can't do as your told, you won't see any Christmas movies tonight, got it?" Adam said, shaking his finger.

He knew what Evan meant. Yep, Grinch pretty much was the best character associated with Christmas to describe Daniel these days, Adam figured...but he didn't have to admit that to Evan.

"Yes sir, Adam. I'm sorry. Can I please watch the movies?" Evan begged.

"Yes, if you don't call anybody names anymore...and do the other things I already told you to do." Adam replied, mussing the boys' hair as he walked past Evan's chair.

"Come on Ford. Let's clean the room first, then we can go feed the chickens. Maybe Gr-Uh-Daniel will be done with his barn chores by then." Evan said, dropping his eyes so he wouldn't have to look at Adam, knowing he must have heard the slip. The two little boys rushed out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

7BF7B*******************************

"So, how was your day?" Crane asked his little brother as Daniel picked up a shovel and joined him.

"Same ol' same ol'." Daniel replied with a sigh.

"You didn't get into any fist fights today?" Crane said with a laugh.

"Nope." Was Daniel's short reply.

"Well, that's encouraging...I guess." Crane replied, punching the little guy in the arm.

"I don't think there's anybody left to fight, unless I start on the girls." Daniel said, rolling his eyes.

"Nah, don't do that. In a couple of years, you're gonna want them to kiss you, so punching them in the mouth now might not be the best of ideas." Crane said with another laugh.

"You're gross!" Daniel replied.

"Just wait. You'll see soon enough!" Crane replied.

"Hey fella's." Adam said walking into the barn. "Workin' hard I see. I like it!"

"Oh yeah, we're workin' hard and talkin' about women." Crane said, giving Adam a wink.

"Women? Uh oh. You got your eye on a little filly Danny boy?" Adam said laughing.

"No way! I don't even like girls!" Daniel replied with disgust.

"Just wait. You will soon." Adam said snickering.

"Whatever." Daniel said rolling his eyes again as he pitched a shovel full of horse manure into the waiting wheelbarrow.

"Crane, I'm gonna go into town and order a couple of pizzas. We're gonna watch movies tonight. Brian's gonna make popcorn later, too." Adam said.

"Sounds great. You may wanna get an extra pizza for the rest of us though? Brian can eat two by himself!" Crane replied.

"Yeah, you may be right. Anyway, I was hoping you could help Evan and Ford with a letter to Santa later. I need to know what they want for Christmas." Adam explained.

"Sure, I'm on it. Hey, we gonna get a tree this weekend?" Crane asked.

"Yep. Think we'll take the guys up to high country tomorrow. We can hike it. They got plenty of energy. It'll give Brian time to cram for his finals. Then Sunday evening, we can all decorate it." Adam said.

"Well, aren't we getting all domestic in our old age. Planning the weekend out for us? You're starting to sound like a woman!" Crane laughed.

"I'll stay home with Brian." Daniel stated flatly.

"Look, Danny. I'm trying to be patient with you. I let you have your way about your birthday. No present, no cake. That was your day. But Christmas is a little bigger than that. I'm not gonna let you ruin it for everybody else." Adam warned.

"Ok, ok. I'll keep my feelings to myself...even though the therapist said I should talk about my feelings." Daniel muttered.

"Danny. I'm not saying you can't talk about your feelings. You can talk to us anytime about how you feel, and you know that. What I mean is you have to stop complaining to the little guys about Christmas. They are excited about Santa and all that comes with it. I know you don't want to intentionally ruin things for them, do you?" Adam asked, reaching down and placing his finger under Daniel's chin, forcing the boy to look up at him.

Through tear laden eyes, Daniel answered in a small voice. "No, Adam. I'm sorry. That's not what I'm trying to do, honest. I love my brothers...all of you."

"We know buddy. We just want to see you happy again, that's all." Adam explained, fighting back tears himself.

"Wish you could turn the clock back three months, then I wouldn't sign up for that stupid contest." Daniel muttured, pulling away from Adam and turning back to his work.

Adam just sighed and shot a sad look toward Crane. He knew he had heard it too. Crane shrugged his shoulders in response to Adam's look. Neither of them knew what to say.

"Danny, we've gone over that a thousand times, remember? What's meant to be is just meant to be. Even when it hurts us. Life isn't always fair." Adam said, trying desperately to hold his own emotions in check.

"Yeah, I know. Adam, can I just please skip hunting the tree? I can do everybody's chores so you guys can just enjoy the day...I won't pester Brian, either. Please?" Daniel begged.

"Ok, I guess so. But you are going to watch movies with the family tonight...and you're going to help with the tree on Sunday. You got that?" Adam said, staring long and hard at his hard headed little brother.

"Sure. I got it." Daniel replied glumly.

7BF7B**********************

Later that evening Crane sat down with Ford and Evan and took out pencils and papers and helped them get their letters ready for Santa.

"Crane, Ford keeps cheating off my paper. He's asking Santa for the same things I'm asking for." Evan complained.

"Let me see here. Crane studied the letters and had to smile. Evan's letter read: Dear Santa, I've been really good this year. I want a cowboy hat of my very own and a train set. Love, Evan McFadden. As Crane looked at Ford's letter it read the same thing except he signed his own name.

"Well, I don't think Santa will mind. Maybe he can bring each of you a hat and you can share the train set. If you ask for it together, maybe you'll get an even bigger one. Besides, it's no fun playing with trains all by yourself." Crane said.

Evan studied for a minute. He took his letter and added the word big in front of train set. "What's the letters you put at the bottom after your name when you want to add something to your letter?" Evan asked innocently.

"P.S." Crane replied. Evan wrote P.S. I can share the train set with my little brother Ford. "That's perfect." Crane said as he studied Evan's amended letter. "I will address these for the North Pole and Brian can take them to the post office Monday." Crane offered.

"You sure you got the right address?" Ford asked.

"Sure. I've been sending letters to the North Pole for since I was younger than you are now. Santa hasn't moved for hundreds of years." Crane replied.

"What about Daniel? Why didn't he write a letter, Crane? Santa won't know what to bring him." Ford said nervously.

"He'll know what to bring him. Big lumps of coal!" Evan exclaimed irritatedly.

Crane had to laugh. "Don't worry, buddy. Santa will figure somethin' out for Daniel...and it won't be coal, Evan!" Crane said. "Daniel hasn't been bad, he's just sad this year."

"Yeah, he's sad Evan." Ford stated softly. "You better hope Santa didn't hear you calling him names, or you might get coal!"

"Nobody's getting coal this year fella's. Unless you start doing bad things now." Crane said, patting Ford on the bottom. "Now get this room cleaned up good so we can have our family fun night!"

"What about Guthrie?" Evan asked innocently.

"Well, he can't write yet...Santa will take care of him, like he did for you before you could write." Crane explained.

"Ok." came a chorus of replies from both boys. They both went to work picking up their room and Crane left them to it.

7BF7B*************************

"Did you get their list?" Brian asked Crane as he came down the stairs.

"Yep, they're going pretty easy on you guys, too." Crane explained as he filled Brian in on what their little brothers had asked for.

"I guess we can swing it. Those train sets are kind of pricey, but with them sharing it...we ought to be able to get one from Mr. Gunn. He will probably extend us a little credit if we need it. Thanks little bro." Brian replied. "We're gonna get Guthrie a toy truck and a teddy bear...easy breezy." he continued.

"Sounds good. Don't know what to tell you about Danny. He ain't budging at all. Adam had a talk with him in the barn earlier though. He let him know not to rain on everybody's parade anymore...and I don't think he means to do that." Crane offered.

"Nah, he don't mean to do it, but...we have to get him a present from Santa. The younger boys won't understand it if we don't. We can't kill their belief in Santa after everything else they've been through this year." Brian said.

"I know, I know." Crane agreed.

"Which brings us to you. What do you want from Santa this year little boy?" Brian asked, punching Crane in the arm as he asked. "And don't say nothin'. This is for the little ones as much as it is for you, understand?"

"Yeah. I guess I could use some new guitar strings...or maybe some sheet music." Crane answered honestly.

"Gotcha." Brian replied. "Well, then. I guess we're set. That ought to take some of the worry off of Adam's mind. He's determined to make this Christmas perfect...and we all know that's impossible. But still, if we could manage a few smiles for big brother over the next couple of weeks, maybe we can make him feel a little better."

"We could at least shoot for five out of six, maybe?" Crane said. Brian nodded in understanding. Making a stubborn Daniel jump on the family bandwagon would be next to impossible this year.

"Yeah, he's determined to make this a hard candy Christmas, one way or another." Brian snorted.

"I haven't heard that saying since I was really little. Dad used to say it, but I never really got what it meant." Crane replied.

"Daddy used to tell us about how poor they were when he was a little boy. Times were so hard during the Great Depression and until after the World War, all his parents could afford to give the kids every year for Christmas was hard candy in their stockings and maybe a shiny nickel, if they were lucky. The sayin' kind of caught on. I hear the old timers in town referring to the hard candy Christmases they experienced back in the day. I think that's what Adam's been worried about. Daddy vowed he'd never let us kids do without at Christmastime, and he never did. Adam doesn't want that to happen now that he's in charge." Brian explained somberly.

"Huh. I guess that makes sense. It may not be a hard candy Christmas as far as what's in the stockings...or under the tree, but it's sure gonna be a hard Christmas for us all." Crane said thoughtfully.

"Yeah. I guess that's what I meant. Oh well, we still got a couple of weeks, maybe we can bring Danny boy around." Brian said, not sounding all to convinced of it, Crane thought.


	3. Chapter 3

Last night had been fun. It was strange though, Adam thought to himself as he packed up lunches for everyone. He was determined to follow through with taking the boys to find a tree. The younger boys had enjoyed the pizza, popcorn and movies. Even though the movies had sad parts in them, what with Rudolph being picked on and Frosty melting, they had all made it through without too many tears. Adam could tell that even Daniel had been entertained. The kid was a sucker for Pizza and family time, in spite of himself. Now with Crane's help, they were taking a very enthusiastic Evan and Ford, along with little Guthrie out to find the family Christmas tree, just like their dad used to do when Adam and Brian were little. They would only need to hike about a mile or so up to the tree line. The boys had plenty of energy to do that and it was a beautiful day for it. Unseasonably warm and sunny. Brian would be cramming for finals and Daniel vowed to take care of the chores...most of them anyway. Adam was getting a little excited himself. His little brothers' enthusiasm was rubbing off on him.

"Ok, here we go!" Adam said looking back at his younger siblings. He had their little burrow packed down with the duffel full of food and canteens and an all important ax, with Guthrie happily riding Adam piggyback and Evan right on his heels, followed by Ford and then Crane, who carefully toted a rifle. The McFaddens didn't venture far from the ranch without a firearm.

The hike was nice and Adam couldn't help but think how peaceful it would be without three little inquisitive brothers asking a million and one questions and trying desperately to talk over each other. A nice quiet hike with a pretty girl would suit Adam better, he couldn't help thinking. But, this was his life now. Maybe someday there would be time for girls, but he didn't have time for any of that right now. He had to make Christmas perfect for his not-so-small family. It's what his father would expect him to do.

7BF7B*************************

Brian studied until his brain was turning to mush. He needed a diversion and he needed it soon. He closed his history book and laid his head down on the dining room table. He thought about his dad. He supposed it was the holidays that kept his parents constantly on his mind right now. There were so many McFadden traditions to keep up and it was on his and Adam's shoulders to keep them this year...and for years to come, he thought glumly. One memory in particular was knawing at him right now. When he was ten or maybe eleven, his father had taken him hunting early on Christmas Eve morning and Brian had bagged the turkey that his mother served for dinner on Christmas Day. He remembered how proud it made him feel. Now, he dreaded the task...because that's what it felt like now...a task. He had gone out alone and killed the turkey for Thanksgiving and it had been hard. Only two months had passed since they had buried their parents and everyone was simply going through the motions for Thanksgiving. Daniel had come apart at the seams and it had scared his three older brothers...including Brian, half to death. Brian couldn't stand the thought of another holiday approaching so soon and them all having to go through the motions...get through the day. How can I make this special for Daniel? He pondered it over and over in his head. The answer finally came to him. He jumped up from the table excitedly, unlocked the gun cabinet and got out his first shotgun...the one his dad had given him for his ninth Christmas...and rushed outside to find Daniel.

"Hey Dan'l! Danny? Where you at kid?" Brian yelled.

"I'm in here Brian." Daniel answered, sticking his head out the barn door.

"Get out here Dan'l." Brian declared.

"What's wrong Bri?" Daniel asked worriedly, eyeing the shotgun.

"Nothin'. We're gonna do some target shootin'." Brian replied with a grin.

"Why? Ain't you supposed to be studying?" Daniel asked curiously.

"I'm taking a break. You my man, need to practice." Brian replied, reaching down and wiping Daniel's bangs out of his eyes.

"For what?" Daniel asked.

"You're gonna bag the Christmas turkey this year!" Brian announced with a big smile.

"Me? Why me?" Daniel asked, but Brian could see a bit of excitement in those expressive eyes.

"Cause it's your turn." Brian replied. He proceeded to tell Daniel the story of his first Turkey kill with their dad and how great it felt to do something that important for such a special day. Brian could see that Daniel liked the idea and even seemed excited.

"Man Danny. You're a great shot. This is gonna be easy!" Brian exclaimed after Daniel's fifth shot managed to knock four cans off the fence post. He only missed on the very first shot. His last four shots were perfect.

"You really think I can do it Brian?" Daniel asked, looking up excitedly at his big brother.

"Oh I know you can...and you will. 'Cause if you miss, it's gonna be pot roast for Christmas...and you'll be the one cooking it!" Brian said with a laugh and a wink.

"Ok, if you think I can, I guess I'm in." Daniel laughed.

"It's a date. Bright and early Christmas Eve morning, we're goin' huntin' Dan'l." Brian said. Finally, he's coming around for us...maybe. Brian thought to himself as he lined up more cans along the fence post, then supervised as Daniel reloaded the gun. This is a hundred times better than studying world history. Brian thought with a chuckle.

7BF7B******************

By the time Adam herded his little brothers, their burrow and the eight foot tall Christmas tree Evan and Ford had picked out back to the Circle Bar Seven, he was spent. He hadn't realized how tiring the day would be. He had figured the hard work he put in daily on their working cattle ranch would have conditioned him better for this little adventure...that was not so much the case. Adam was glad to come into a warm house and smell Brian's chili cooking on the stove.

Adam sent the little guys up for a bath and they had rather unceremoniously gathered for a quick meal, except Guthrie who practically fell asleep in the bathtub. Evan and Ford were nodding off at the table, so Adam had sent them straight to their room to get ready for bed. Crane turned in shortly after so now only himself, Brian and Daniel were gathered in the living room.

Brian and Adam had made a wooden stand and nailed it into the trunk of the tree and when they stood it up they were both relieved to see that it wasn't crooked. It looked perfect.

"Hey Adam, you want me to go into the attic and pull out Mom's ornaments?" Brian asked.

Adam glanced at Daniel and noticed his little brother squirming uncomfortably on the couch at the mere mention of their mother. "We'll do it a little later."Let's just relax for a few minutes." Adam replied. "So what's this I hear about you Daniel? Brian said you're going after the bird this year."

"Yeah, I guess I am. I sure hope I don't miss." Daniel said with a nervous laugh.

"You won't partner. I have confidence in ya. The way you were shooting today, you're gonna make a fine hunter Dan'l." Brian offered, winking at Adam.

"I hope so. I don't wanna let anybody down." Daniel replied.

"Don't worry. We have plenty of beef in the freezer if we need a back up kiddo." Adam replied, sitting down beside his little brother and giving him an affectionate hug.

"I love Turkey. I'll be mad at myself if I blow it...but like Brian said, I can do it and I will do it." the little guy stated with conviction.

"That's the spirit! So Danny, is there anything you'd especially like for Christmas this year? I know you're not into it, but...for the sake of the little guys, I think you should have at least one present from Santa." Adam asked hopeful that Daniel's cold heart had melted a little.

"I dunno. I ain't even thought about it really. I don't care, just wrap me up somethin' if you like." Daniel replied with a shrug.

"So I guess you are confirming my suspicion that you've figured out the whole Santa deal? I mean, you seemed to believe last year." Adam asked with a quick glance at Brian.

"Nah, I just played along to make Momma happy last year." Daniel answered quietly.

"Oh, ok Danny. You're growing up fast kid. It kinda makes me a little sad. Well, just think about it for the rest of the weekend and if you come up with anything, tell me or Brian." Adam said.

"Ok Adam. I will and I don't mean to make you more sad Adam, but since I don't call you Junior anymore, you think you could stop calling me Danny? I mean, it makes me sound like a little kid. Everybody else in this family goes by their given name, you and me were the only ones that got stuck with silly nicknames and I'm not a little kid anymore, ok?" Daniel asked, looking up at his big brother with pleading eyes.

"Well, I'll work on it...I mean, I've been calling you Danny your whole life, so...it's not gonna be that easy. You still slip up and call me Junior now and again, but I'll do my best, Daniel." Adam answered honestly. The kid was right about one thing, it did make him even more sad. "But promise me you won't try to grow up too fast. I want all of you to enjoy your childhood. I sure enjoyed mine. It's something I'll cherish forever."

"Yes sir." Daniel replied.

"Yikes! I hate the sound of sir. You start pinning that title on me and I'll call you Danny for the rest of my life!" Adam laughed.

"Sorry, I'm used to...uh...never mind. It's just a habit. I'll work on it." Daniel said reaching out to hug his big brother.

"I appreciate that." Adam replied, trying hard to swallow the lump forming in his throat. He knew Daniel was used to answering their parents with ma'am and sir. It was as natural as breathing for all of them. But Adam didn't feel it was appropriate to start answering to sir at the tender age of eighteen. "Why don't you get your bath and turn in for the night? And try not to wake up Crane. He's beat."

"Ok. Goodnight." Daniel replied getting up from the couch and walking over to Brian to offer him a hug before going upstairs. "Night Brian. Love you." Adam had to smile. That was another thing that was as natural as breathing. Telling each other 'love you'.

"I love you too partner." Brian said reaching down and giving Daniel a quick hug followed by a patt on his rear end. "But you are still a kid!" Brian teased.

"What, are you calling me a billy goat?" Daniel laughed and darted for the stairs before Brian could give him a harder swat on his backside.


	4. Chapter 4

Adam felt mostly satisfied with what he had accomplished today. He had driven into town and bought most of the presents he needed to pick up for Christmas. There was still three days go and all he had to figure out was what to get Brian and Daniel. He wanted to get Brian something really nice to try to show him how much he appreciated all of his help the past few months. There wasn't much money to work with, but they had managed to sell about forty Christmas trees in town as well as numerous cords of firewood, so money wasn't as big an issue as Adam had once feared. He and Brian were dead on their feet though. Cutting down and hauling trees was not an easy task. Crane had been able to help some, but with he and Brian both still in school, Adam had done a lion share of the work.

He got the train set for Evan and Ford on credit and figured he could pay that off in January. Daniel still hadn't come up with anything that he wanted, so Adam had asked Crane to think on it for him. As long as he came up with something by Christmas Eve morning, Adam figured he could finish up then, when Brian and Daniel would be off hunting.

The tree had turned out pretty good, considering it was decorated by a bunch of rowdy little boys. Adam knew his mother would have been very proud of the tree. The boys had a good time decorating it, though there were a number of tears shed during the whole process. It was impossible not to be sad. The Christmas tree was something their mother enjoyed decorating and knowing that, plus the fact that every ornament they hung had some special meaning to their mother, the boys couldn't help but be a little sad. In spite of the sadness though, there was a joy in it too. It was further proof that when they all work together, the McFadden boys could accomplish anything. Adam had even coaxed a somber Daniel into helping a little, which Adam considered a small victory, considering how hard the little guy had fought against the whole event.

"Brian, I still have no idea what to get Daniel...or you for that matter." Adam said as he walked into the bedroom he shared with Brian.

"Just wrap me up anything, Adam. I still have to pick out something to wrap up for you too, you know. I don't have any ideas either." Brian laughed. "It's all for show for the little ones anyhow."

"It's probably be easier to just shop for ourselves, I guess. I could use a new pair of work gloves." Adam suggested.

"I guess socks wouldn't be a bad idea for myself," Brian added, turning from his bureau and sticking a finger through a hole in the toe of his sock after he pulled it out of the drawer.

"Guess that just leaves Daniel, then." Adam replied.

"Anything to do with music would be appropriate. That boy is getting good with that guitar. He reads music as good as Crane now." Brian observed.  
"Yeah, I think he's gonna have a good singing voice too. Even though I haven't heard him sing anything at all in a few months. Not since...well, you know." Adam stammered.

"Yeah." Brian said sadly. "Hey, what about a harmonica? I taught him how to play mine, he'd probably like one of his own; they're not too expensive."  
"That's a good idea Brian. If nothing else comes up, we'll go with that. I'm getting a little excited about the little guys. Ford and Evan are gonna be excited about that train set." Adam said.

"You're starting to sound like a proud pappa, Adam." Brian said.

"I know. I'm starting to see why Christmas was so important to Mom and Dad. Remember how excited they always seemed on Christmas Eve? Guess they couldn't wait to see us open our presents; that's where I am right now.

"Yeah, me too. It feels weird, too. I'm sixteen for Christ's sake!" Brian laughed.  
"So, you buy anything for your girlfriend?" Adam said with a grin.

"Which one?" Brian said, punching Adam in the arm.

"Well, I was talking about that fiery little red head you took out last weekend, but...I guess she's not exclusive?" Adam laughed.

"You know me better than that big brother. I play the field. I'm too young to be tied down with just one. But no, I ain't buying any girlfriend presents this year." Brian answered.

"At eighteen, I kind of figured that's the only gift I'd have to worry about this year. But there's no girl in the picture for me." Adam replied glumly.  
"Ain't no girl in Carbon County crazy enough to sign on for all of this." Brian said pointing at the picture of the family on Adam's dresser.  
"Yeah, and if there were, she'd likely be too crazy for me!" Adam laughed.

"Guess we're gonna be bachelors this year." Brian replied. "I gotta go work on that tractor. I told Dan'l I was gonna let him help me. He's turning out to be pretty good at turning wrenches. When he gets to high school, you need to encourage him to take auto mechanics, he seems like a natural." Brian noted.

"I'll keep that in mind, but he's only nine. We gotta few more years to talk about it, I guess." Adam replied thoughtfully.

"Yes, but you know what Dad always told us. Time goes by pretty fast. These boys will be grown before you know it." Brian retorted.  
"I sure hope that's true, Bri. I really hope that's true." Adam said with a sigh.

Brian knew what he meant. They were both happy to have their family together, but it seemed like it would be forever before they would get their lives back...if they ever did.

7BF7B*************************

On the night of the 23rd, after putting the younger boys to bed, Adam and Brian crept up into the attic to pull down the box that contained all of their stockings. The stockings had been knitted by their mother and each one had their names on them. It had occurred to Adam earlier in the day that a long standing tradition started by his mother would sadly come to an end this year. When Adam was still a toddler, their mother had sat down and written a letter on her personal stationary addressed to Adam. She rolled it up like a diploma and slipped a thin satin red ribbon around it and tied it in a bow. She had put the letter in the toe of Adam's stocking and read it aloud to him on Christmas morning. This had started a tradition where each year, she would write something to each of the boys and the letter would be revealed every Christmas morning. Then mom would gather the letters up from each son and place them in separate labeled plastic bags and place them in her trunk. When Adam was twelve, he had asked his mother for his letters and she had given them to him, then helped him make a scrapbook of his letters. In turn, when Brian turned twelve, she had given his letters to him too. He had kept them rolled and tied up with the ribbon in his sock drawer. It suddenly occurred to Adam that this being Crane's twelfth Christmas, he should locate his letters in the old trunk and give them to Crane. He decided he would do that in private, so as not to upset the little boys.

Brian located the box in the attic that contained their stockings and picked it up. When he did, a letter, tied up in a red ribbon, fell out of the box. Brian looked somberly at Adam. They both knew what it was, but was unclear which stocking it had come out of. Unrolling the scroll, Adam teared up when he realized it was a letter written to Evan. Apparently, their mother had written it before her death and had already placed it in the stocking.  
"Adam, whose is it?" Brian said, his voice shaking.

"It's Evan's. It's Mom's handwriting." Adam replied, then rolled the letter up and slipped the ribbon back over it. He held it reverently as he knew it was a sacred thing now.

"Brian took it and stuck it down in the toe of Evan's stocking. That's when he realized there were more. He pulled out Crane's, then Guthrie's and felt a letter in the toe of each of those.

"It looks like Mom wrote letters for this Christmas already." Brian whispered. Suddenly, Christmas morning took on a whole new meaning to both young men. They realized that their mother would play a major role in Christmas again this year.

"We should have known she wouldn't let us down." Adam choked out as he tried to swallow the lump in his throat. "I was gonna give Crane his letters Christmas morning." He explained.

"You think they can handle this?" Brian asked.

"I don't know if I can, Bri. But we have to give them their letters. It's too important to hide from them." Adam explained.

"You think we should read them first?" Brian asked, he was afraid the letters would upset them.

"I wouldn't feel right about that, would you? I mean, they were meant to share as a family, but not until Christmas." Adam answered.

"I guess we'll have to trust the man upstairs not to give us more than we can handle." Brian suggested.

"Yeah, I guess we will." Adam said, swallowing hard, then backing his way out of the attic.


	5. Chapter 5

Brian got up extra early on Christmas Eve morning. He made coffee, saw to his morning chores much earlier than usual, then packed up a lunch for himself and Daniel. He made toast and eggs, then woke up a very grumpy Daniel. It took some doing, as Daniel even at nine years old was not a morning person. It was funny to Brian. Evan, Ford and Guthrie were early risers. They often woke up he and Adam in the mornings even before the rooster crowed. Daniel and Crane did not share their little brothers' enthusiasm for the morning. Brian did his best not to wake a sleeping Crane in the bed across the room from Daniel. When he mentioned that it was time to hunt the Christmas turkey, however, Daniel finally popped up and started to get dressed.

"Be quiet getting dressed, then come down and eat your breakfast. After you do your chores, we'll hit the woods." Brian whispered. Daniel nodded his head in understanding.

Less than an hour later, they were tromping through the woods. Daniel had been quiet, somber even. He understood that you have to be quiet while hunting, but Brian noted that he was likely a little sad and maybe a little nervous too. This was a pretty big responsibility for such a young boy. Brian felt it was important though, that he let this particular little brother to do something important for the family on this holiday.

They had been kneeling in the brush beside a clearing that was known to have turkey and other small game mulling about in the early morning hours. Brian worked the turkey call that had once belonged to their father and prayed that a tom turkey would soon surface. It seemed that the longer they waited, the more Daniel's hands shook.

"Relax. An old tom will be along shortly. Just take some deep breaths and get yourself set. You remember everything I taught you, right?" Brian whispered quietly.

Daniel shook his head in the affirmative. Just then, they heard a distant gobble. Brian raked the chalk over the base of the turkey call again and the tom turkey again answered. After a couple of minutes, the turkey emerged into the clearing and Daniel silently released the safety on Brian's rifle. He looked through the sights and took a deep breath and held it. He located the tom in his sights, took aim and squeezed the trigger. The sound made him jump and for a brief moment, he thought he had missed.

"You got it Dan'l! You got him!" Brian cried excitedly. Daniel put the rifle down and exhaled. The thrill he felt was indescribable. He felt a rush like he'd never felt before. He and Brian ran over and inspected his kill.

"You nailed him right where I told you to! Great job, partner, great job!" Brian yelled, and he picked up his little brother and swung him around, then let him back down and offered out his hand.

"Put her there, partner." Brian said as Daniel offered out his right hand to shake Brian's hand.

"I thought I missed him! That was awesome Bri!" Daniel exclaimed through happy tears. "Thank you so much for letting me do it Brian. It feels great."

"I'm proud of you. Ol' Adam won't believe it when he sees it. That's a perfect shot. He's a big one too. He'll be eighteen, maybe nineteen pounds. That ought to feed us all!" Brian said excitedly. "Ok, let's get him home. You wanna carry him a bit? He's gonna be mighty heavy for you to tote." Brian asked his little brother. Daniel was only nine and rather small for his age, but Brian figured his adrenaline was pumping and at least for a while the bird wouldn't seem too heavy for him.

"I can carry him all the way back to the ranch Brian!" Daniel exclaimed excitedly. "I can clean him by myself too! He added.

"Well, we'll share the duties, but you go ahead and pick him up and I'll carry the rifle and the food. Shoot, we may even get home before lunch. I didn't expect things to go this quick!" Brian added.

"Me either. I was afraid we'd be out here all day!" Daniel answered.

"Nah. I guess that's why we named you Dan'l...You're a sure shot like Daniel Boone. Too bad you didn't wear your coon skin cap today." Brian laughed.

"Nope, I'm a cowboy like my Daddy!" Daniel replied, placing his brown cowboy hat firmly on his head and hoisting up the big turkey.

7BF7B***********************************

"Well, I guess we're set. I got the rest of the presents in town earlier. I got Crane's letters out of the trunk, the turkey's cleaned and ready for the oven and the boys are all fed and ready for baths." Adam said to Brian as they cleaned up the kitchen.

"Yeah, I guess we'll let them hang up their stockings. Did you pull out the letters?" Brian asked.

"I did. I put them in a shoebox and hid them behind the tree. We can put them back in tonight when we fill the stockings." Adam explained.

"Yeah, I don't want them to see them til tomorrow. No sense in them getting upset over them tonight." Brian replied.

After the younger boys were dressed for bed, they came downstairs and Adam gave each of them their stockings to hang up in front of the fireplace. They each took turns, but Adam noticed they were less excited than they were last Christmas. The blank spaces that usually held their mom and dad's stockings were glaring at them all.

"Well, how about some Christmas carols before bed?" Brian suggested.

"What about cookies? We have to put out cookies for Santa!" Evan exclaimed.

"We will, we will. Right before you go to bed. Ol' Santa will have to settle for store bought ones this year. I'm not much for baking cookies." Brian offered with a laugh.

"You think Santa Claus will be mad?" Ford asked worriedly.

"No, he will be thankful he doesn't have to eat burnt cookies. He knows Brian does the cooking around here." Crane said with a laugh, reaching over and giving Ford a reasuring hug.

"Ok, so what are we gonna sing?" Adam asked reaching for a guitar leaned against the couch.

"Away in a Manger!" Evan cried, sitting Guthrie on his lap, playing patty cake with him.

"Sounds like a good one. Crane, you want to play piano?" Adam asked.

"Sure. Daniel, why don't you kick off the song." Crane asked hopefully.

"Nah, you do it, Crane. I don't feel like singing." Daniel said, throwing himself down on the couch next to Evan and Guthrie.

"Come on buddy. Sing us one." Brian encouraged.

"I said I don't feel like it." Daniel snapped.

"Hey, hey, you be nice. It's Christmas." Adam warned Daniel.

"I'm sorry Bri. I just don't want to sing." Daniel explained.

"You're not sick are you?" Brian asked.

"Nope. Just not in the mood." Daniel said, moping.

"Alright. You don't have to sing if you don't want to. Crane, start us off." Adam said.

They sang and sang, all except Daniel, for over an hour. Away in a Manger, Silent Night, O Holy Night, Santa Claus is Comin' to Town, Jingle Bells...Finally, Adam noticed little Guthrie nodding off and he saw a sleepy Ford yawning.

"Ok." Adam announced. "It's time to put out the cookies for Santa, then it's off to bed for C through G.

"Hey, why do you and Brian get to stay up?" Evan asked indignantly.

"Cause we're older. We have to work on getting the food ready for tomorrow's feast. Unless you want toast for Christmas Dinner." Brian replied.

"No, that's ok. You can stay up. Just get to bed before Santa comes. If he catches you awake, he may not leave our presents." Evan explained.

"We got it partner. We know the rules. We promise not to ruin your Christmas." Brian said reaching down to give Evan a hug and a swat on the bottom.

Adam put some cookies on a plate and handed them to Evan, then poured a glass of milk and handed it to Ford. They reverently laid their offering on the table. Adam instructed Daniel to write the note for Santa, and gave him a stern look that communicated to him not to argue. Daniel picked up the pencil and paper and scrawled out a quick note then placed it next to the plate of cookies and the milk.

Brian followed the boys up the stairs and tucked them all into bed. He laid down in the big bed that he and Adam shared with little Guthrie, until the toddler was sleeping soundly.

Joining Adam downstairs, he announced that the little ones were tucked away for the night.

"We should wait an hour or so, to make sure Evan and Ford are asleep." Adam suggested.

"Fine with me. You can help me in the kitchen. I have the bird ready to go into the oven. I just gotta figure out the vegetables." Brian said.

They made their way into the kitchen and Adam pulled some corn and green beans out of the freezer, while Brian poked holes in sweet potatoes to bake.

"I'm not trying to do it too fancy like I did at Thanksgiving. Those casseroles kicked my butt. We got a bird to eat. I'm gonna make mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes. As far as the vegetables go, I'm just gonna cook them on top of the stove and throw some butter on them. I bought the roles and the cranberry sauce= it's comin' straight out of the can." Brian said, wrinkling his nose at the can he held in his hand.

"That's good enough for me. The little one's won't care...as long as it ain't burnt." Adam said, poking Brian affectionately in the stomach.

"Ok, so you got Crane's letters out of the trunk, and all the presents are on the top shelf of the hall closet. Who gets to wrap?" Brian asked.

"Both of us." Adam answered.

Hey, I can't wrap!" Brian exclaimed.

"You're about to learn, then." Adam answered laughing.

It took them the better part of an hour to wrap everything. Brian had stuck to the square objects, leaving Adam the more difficult ones. They considered setting the train set up and having it running around the tree, but decided against it, in fear of getting caught with the goods. They would just let the boys unwrap it together then they would set it up in the morning.

They settled in front of the fireplace around nine thirty and as Adam glanced up at the fireplace, he realized they had to stuff the stockings.

"We almost forgot!" Adam said, pointing his head towards the hearth. Brian looked in that direction and noticed the stockings hanging empty in front of the roaring fire.

Oops! We sure do make sad Santa's don't we?" He asked Adam shaking his head and slapping his older brother on the knee as he rose to go in the kitchen and get the stocking stuffers.

Each boy got an apple, banana, orange and a candy cane, a chocolate bar along with a dollar and a letter from their mother, which Adam had taken from their hiding place and put in the toe of each stocking, including his own.

"Well, I guess that does it." Adam announced tiredly. "When did I get so old that I'm ready to drop before ten p.m.?" He asked Brian with a laugh.

"I dunno. But I feel old too. I'm ready to hit the rack. I'll set the alarm for four a.m. so I can get up and put the turkey in the oven." Brian said.

"If Evan hasn't already gotten us up by then. That kid is so excited. Kinda makes me feel all warm and tingly inside...I think I'm turning into a parent." Adam said.

"You turned into one a few months ago. You're just now coming to realize it now." Brian offered.

"I guess you're right. We're not so bad at it though!" Adam replied. "Ok. Let's hit the sack, tomorrow's gonna come early and it's gonna be a long, long day." Adam said.

"A hard candy Christmas." Brian muttered.

"What's that?" Adam asked.

"Oh, nothin'." Was Brian's reply.

7BF7B********************************

Brian had just put the turkey in the oven when he heard little footsteps coming down the stairway.

"Oh lookie their Ford!" Evan exclaimed. "He came! Santa came! Go get Adam and Guthrie...Get everybody!" he said over his shoulder, just before sliding on his knees to the floor in front of the gifts under the tree.

Brian came into the living room laughing. "Calm down partner. Give everybody a few minutes. You gotta hold your horses!" Brian said.

"I can't! Brian it's Christmas. It's time to open presents." Evan shouted.

Ford was upstairs pounding on all the bedroom doors. Adam came out first, carrying a sleepy but smiling Guthrie. Ford continued to pound on the door that led to Crane and Daniel's bedroom.

"Come on Daniel! Crane get up!" Ford shouted excitedly. "Santa came. He came!"

Crane rolled over and rubbed his eyes. He took his pillow and threw it across the room to hit Daniel square in the face. "Get up and don't start griping." Crane said.

"It's too early. It ain't even daylight yet." Daniel complained.

"It will be in a few minutes. They're not gonna hush. We may as well get on with it." Crane said, grumpily.

"Ok, ok. Give me five minutes." Daniel begged.

"Two minutes. It's Christmas, so you only need to throw on a robe. You can get dressed a little later when we go out for morning chores." Crane said.

"Who made you the boss of me?" Daniel complained.

"Mom did...a long time ago. Now get up!" Crane insisted.

"Alright. I'm up. Geez you're a pain in the morning, Crane." Daniel griped.

"You aren't a bed of roses yourself, you know." Crane shot back, catching his pillow as Daniel threw it back at him.

Eventually they all gathered under the tree, Adam helped Guthrie open his gifts and the little fella squealed with delight, especially at the sight of his brown teddy bear. Evan and Ford had torn into their train set together with a knowing anticipation. They both jumped up and hugged each other when they saw that it indeed was what they had asked for from Santa. They looked cute in their pajamas, both sporting a new cowboy hat on their heads.

"He brought it! I told you he would! We have a train set of our very own!" Evan screamed as he hugged Ford.

Brian and Adam laughed and eyed each other with satisfaction. Adam noticed Crane staring down at the letters that had been written to him from their mother in previous years. Adam had decided to wrap them and put them under the tree, since they would all be getting a new one in their stocking anyway.

"We thought since you are twelve now, you should have your letters." Adam explained quietly, walking over to give Crane a hug. Crane was fighting back tears but barely acknowledged Adam as his eyes poured over the old letters.

"Thanks." Crane said rather absently.

"Danny...I mean...uh...Daniel, what'cha got there?" Adam asked his little brother sitting quietly on the floor, wrapped up in his blue hand-me-down robe that was still too big for him.

"A harmonica. Thank y...I mean, I'm glad Santa thought to bring me one. I love it!" He said, holding it reverently.

"That's a nice one. It's a lot like mine, isn't it?" Brian said to him.

"Uh huh. It's really nice." Daniel said a little sadly. He was happy about his gift, he just felt guilty for being happy about it.

"What about our stockings!" Ford cried out, suddenly remembering there were more surprises to be had.

"Uh, listen fella's. There's something really special in those stockings. Before you go into them, let me talk to you a minute." Adam began. All his little brothers looked up at him in wonderment. Adam cleared his throat and continued. "Uh, me and Brian found something special in the stockings when we got them out of the attic...from Mom."

"From Mom?" Crane said in disbelief.

"What is it?" Daniel asked softly.

"Our letters. I guess...I guess she wrote them all before...before the accident." Brian broke in, seeing that Adam was having trouble with his own emotions.

"Can we read them out loud?" Evan asked, his eyes wide in surprise. He was old enough to remember the tradition.

"Yes, we can." Adam replied, regaining his composure. "In fact, you can go first if you want. Then Ford, then I can read Guthrie's." Adam offered.

"Ok." Evan agreed. They each quietly took their stockings down and fumbled through them, not noticing the treats inside, looking only for the little scrolls of paper with the familiar red satin ribbon.

Evan opened his and cleared his little throat and began to read.

_ Dear Evan, My tough little cowboy. You scared me today. You came in with a bloody nose. I just finished cleaning you up and I'm still shaking a little from seeing you with blood on your face. You were so brave and didn't even cry. I'm proud of you for standing up for your little brother. I know Ford was scared today, his first day on the school bus, but you were there to look after him. You stood up to a bully twice your size because he was picking on little Ford and because of that, you are not in trouble for fighting. I just want you to know that your momma is so proud of you! I love you little man. Love, Momma._

"That was very nice, Evan. You did a fine job reading that." Adam said, then coughed hoping to clear the lump in his throat.

"Yeah, momma wrote it in print for me...I guess cause she knew I don't read cursive." Evan said sadly, wiping tears out of his eyes.

Brian pulled him into his lap and hugged him tightly. Adam thought he could see tears forming in Brian's eyes too.

"Crane, will you help me read my letter? It's hard for me to sound out the big words." Ford said somberly. He offered the letter to Crane, the paper shaking in his little hands. Crane took the letter and studied it for a minute.

"Ok, I'll just read it for you if that's alright with you." Crane said.

Ford nodded his head in approval. Crane cleared his throat and began to read:

_ Dear Ford. You are becoming such a big boy. You just came home from your first day of school and you were so excited and happy. I worried about you all day, because I was afraid you would miss me too much. But you are so happy to go to big school with Evan and Daniel and it just makes me so happy. You are a brave, sweet boy and I think you will be a very good student, like your big brother Crane. I am going to miss having you home with me but I want you to go to school and learn as much as you can so you can grow up and be whatever you want to be. You may even want to be a doctor someday like Junior. Whatever you do, I know you will make me and Daddy proud. I love you little man! Momma._

"I remember that day! I remember! She wrote that just for me, Crane! Just for me." Ford said smiling, but with tears running down his cheeks.

"Yep, just for you little man. She loved you so much." Crane answered, hugging Ford tightly.

"Ok, now read Guthrie's to us Adam!" Evan said excitedly. Adam could see that each of his brothers' were hanging on to every single word written by the mother. In some way, it was like she was here with them. It seemed almost magical.

"Alright, sit down and listen." Adam instructed Evan, who climbed back up in Brian's lap. Then he read:

_ Dear Guthrie. My sweet baby boy. You are growing so fast. I just cleaned up the mess we all made celebrating your second birthday. Your brothers sure are messy and so are you! I will never forget seeing your little face covered in chocolate icing. Your big blue eyes were just sparkling at me when I cleaned you up. I can't believe my baby is two years old. I don't know where the time has gone. It seems like only yesterday you were tearing up your very first birthday cake and now here you are a big two year old! You are such a happy boy and so bright. You see the joy and wonder in everything! You truly are the light of this family. You are so lucky to have six big brothers to teach you things and our family is truly blessed to have you in it. I wish I could keep you small, but I know you have to grow up too, like your brothers. I love you little bear! Momma._

"Little bear. Momma always called him that." Ford said sadly as he crawled out of Crane's lap. He walked over to Adam and Guthrie and reached out to give his baby brother a hug.

"You ok?" Adam asked Ford.

"Yes. It's just kind of sad, ain't it?" Ford asked.

"Not really." Adam lied. "It makes me happy that Momma left these for us. I like hearing what she has to say to all of us."

"Me too!" Evan said. It was then that Adam noticed Daniel, who had been silent the whole time. He was staring at his own letter and Adam could see he was awfully upset.

"Danny...uh, I mean, Daniel. Are you ready to read your letter?" Adam asked quietly. The boy didn't look up but adamently shook his head no. So Adam didn't press the issue. Instead, he called on Crane, who was looking at all the letters from the past that Adam and Brian had given him. He had not yet opened the new letter. Crane hesitated for a moment, then unwrapped the little scroll and began to examine his letter. He looked up at Adam finally and smiled.

"Sure." Crane said. He began to read:

_ Dear Crane, I am sitting here letting out the hem of your good slacks for the third time in a month! We have church tomorrow morning and you have grown out of them again! I noticed today that you are as tall as I am and I just can't believe it. I predict that you are going to be taller than your older brothers. They aren't going to like hearing that, but it's true. I bet you will be as tall as your father. Crane, you are such a delight. You are so incredibly smart and sensitive and very thoughtful. I cherish you so much. You are such a great help to me with your little brothers. You are especially kind to Daniel. I know little brothers can be a pain, him included, but you are so patient with him and so considerate of his feelings. You understand how sensitive he is and you never tease him. He looks up to you and I am glad of that. You have always set a very good example for him, as well as Evan, Ford and the baby too. You always make your Momma proud. I love you Crane! Momma._

Crane glanced over at Daniel who was still sitting silently. He wanted to gather him in his arms and comfort him, because he knew how much this was hurting the boy. His mother had been right. Crane, better than any of them, knew how sensitive Daniel was. Sometimes Adam and Brian didn't know what they should or shouldn't say to him. Crane was always the one who could make things right for him. He wished he knew what to do or say now. He knew Daniel was too proud to be coddled. He was trying so hard to act like he wasn't a little boy, but Crane knew he needed to be comforted. He just didn't know exactly how to do it without embarrassing him in front of their brothers. He decided not to reach out to him now, but instead just watch him closely, in case he broke down completely.

"Brian will you read yours now?" Adam asked.

"I hate this part. You guys know I hate reading my letters out loud." Brian grumbled.

"Yes, but Mom always made you do it anyway." Crane insisted.

"You don't have to read it, but we'd like to hear it." Adam said.

"Alright I'll do it. Brian had already read it to himself, but he opened it again and read:

_ Dearest Brian. My heart is full right now. A little while ago, you came home from the high country with your father and you brought me the prettiest bouquet of wildflowers. I asked you what was the occasion and you answered that there was no occasion except that you felt like telling me that I was the best mother in the whole world. I don't know what has gotten into you. You left it at that and didn't ask for money or keys to the truck nor did you show me a bad grade on a test. I guess you really just did it because you love me. One day you will fall in love and that girl will be the luckiest girl in the world, as far as I'm concerned. I know it isn't always easy for you to express yourself, but I know what a sensitive, loving young man that you are. You made me feel so special today and I love you so much for that. Love, Momma._

Brian held the letter reverently in his hands. It just felt so sacred. The room was silent. He knew his brothers felt the same way he did. There were no words to describe the feeling that their mother was speaking to them from the grave. This would no doubt be the most precious gift any of them would ever receive again.

Adam knew as he watched each of his brothers switch their focus from Brian to him, that it was now his turn to share his letter with them. He suddenly felt very nervous; maybe even a little sick. Whatever this letter said, it was the last thing his mother would ever say to him. He almost couldn't bear the finality of it all. Even though a couple of days ago, he had no idea that he would ever hear from his mother again. Adam finally took a deep breath and said. "Ok guys, here we go."

He opened the letter slowly and began to read:

_ Dear Adam, Jr., today you graduated from high school. The world holds so many wonderful things for you to experience; a world beyond our beloved town of Murphys. Soon you will leave the nest and pursue your dreams. Although your father and me always expected you to take up ranching, we are both very proud of the choices you are making. Junior I have every confidence in you that you will succeed in anything you set out to do in life. I thank you now for being such a wonderful son-my first born. You have set a wonderful example for all of your little brothers and I could not possibly be any prouder of you than I am right now; in this moment. Go forth now and find your destiny. Never forget your roots, but spread your wings now and fly. Love, Momma._

Adam was surprised to hear the sound of weeping. He actually looked around to see where it was coming from but the look on the faces of his brothers made him realize that he was the one weeping.

Brian and Crane set their little brothers down and rushed over to comfort their big brother. Adam tried to waive them off, but they would not be denied. They sat there and held him for quite some time; the little ones just sitting quietly, watching in wonder. Everyone had tears, none moreso than Adam. It had been a long time coming, as they all knew he had never broken down since they buried their parents. It seemed that even little Ford understood that this was something that needed to happen. After a while, Crane and Brian let go and they were replaced by Evan, Ford and finally Daniel. When Daniel finally took his turn comforting Adam, he bravely spoke:

"Adam, I'll read my letter now." Daniel said in a small, soft voice. Adam nodded in agreement, patted his little brother on the head and motioned for him to begin.

De_ar Daniel, _He began_, Last night I woke up and heard you crying out for me. I rushed to your room to find you frightened from a bad dream. I instantly knew that you didn't want to talk about it, so I tucked you back in and held your little hand in mine and sang 'Danny-Boy' to you. It didn't take long before you were sleeping soundly again_._ I watched you for a while, then went back to bed_._ A few minutes ago, you came into the kitchen to find me crying. We women cry over the silliest of things sometimes. I expected you to ask questions, but I didn't want to talk about it. You didn't ask me a thing though. I find it incredible that at eight years old, you knew that I didn't want to talk. Instead, you took my hand in yours, then laid your head on my chest and sang 'You Are My Sunshine' straight to my heart. Danny, you turned my tears into a smile. You have a real gift from God, son. It's my hope that one day you will make millions of people happy with your music, the same way you made me happy today. I am so proud of you, my sweet Danny-boy and I love you so very much. Momma._

Daniel rolled the letter back up and slipped the ribbon back over it and said, "Adam, will you put this away for me...until I'm twelve?"

"Sure Daniel." Adam answered. "I'll take good care of it. Thank you for sharing it with us."

"Oh, and Adam? I guess I don't mind if you call me Danny-sometimes. Just not all the time...ok?" Daniel said.

"Ok Danny. Thanks. I'll only use it at special times." Adam replied as he pulled Daniel into him and hugged him tightly. Brian was waiting right behind him for his turn. Daniel turned to give Brian a hug and Brian mussed his hair.

"You need a haircut kid." Brian said to Daniel.

"I know. I always need a haircut!" Daniel exclaimed. "Hey Bri? Can you help me with my new harmonica? You play better than me." Daniel asked. "I have to work on my music as much as I can...so I can make Momma proud."

Brian wiped a tear from Daniel's face and nodded affirmatively. "Sure Dan'l. I'll help you...I bet by the end of the day, you'll be playin' that thing better than me!" Brian laughed.

And so it was. The first Christmas the McFadden boys had to spend without their parents had been bittersweet. Some might call it a hard candy Christmas of sorts...but Adam McFadden knew that their house was filled with love...and love would see them through the worst of times.

the end**************


End file.
